I was beginning to believe that life would always be excruciatingly stressful and that consequently I would always be on the verge of a break-down.
That was until last Friday when I decided to take a "sick day" because I physically could not go to school since I was so overwhelmed with all my responsibilities. Or rather, I should say that was until today when my principal, Alan, asked me to come chat with him. He started by explaining that Kim, my friend who teaches next door to me, had come out of concern on Friday to talk to Ben and Alan about all the responsibilities on my plate and how they were affecting me. Instantly I started balling as I always do in Alan's office. As usual, it was unbelievably therapeutic. He helps me feel so much love, validating my concerns while also helping me find solutions. I am always in awe of his kind words that are perfectly in tune with my heartache and struggle.
He acknowledged that I have been working too much and that the expectations are unrealistic. I was grateful he relieved my fears that I should be able to handle this workload and was in some way weak because I could not. In fact, he got upset when I suggested this and forcefully clarified that I should not compare myself with some standard that has been set up which is unrealistic. He also reiterated countless times how much he cares and loves me and how concerned, genuinely concerned, he is about how I am doing. He looked at me sincerely and complimented me for who I am as a person. What was remarkable is that he understood my need to work hard and of course affirmed that that is part of what makes me so wonderful but he got slightly angry with how much I've had to work and offered to do whatever he could to help. He offered possible solutions but especially said that I need to go to his office to check up with him more.
Then, he asked the last time I had a priesthood blessing. Because I do not have home teachers, he offered to give me a priesthood blessing, which was beautiful. In it, he repeated several times how much I am loved by my Heavenly Parents and all who know me. He blessed me to feel that more in the very core of my body and soul and to gain a testimony of that. I know that he mentioned several times how much people love me and are looking out for me. Intertwined in these soul-lifting thoughts was the counsel to discern where to cut back and just stop. It was clear that I need to get better at learning what things to do when or what not to do. Along with this, he blessed me to find more joy in the little things in life and to have more of an eternal perspective of myself. He did also bless me that I would understand how precious and good I am in an eternal perspective. I can't remember all the tender, sacred words but I know that I was surprised at how good he and Heavenly Father believe I am.
What makes this even more special for me is that I had been thinking this past weekend about wanting a blessing but didn't know who to ask and also thinking it was ridiculous since I just got a Father's Blessing over Christmas Break. I am just in awe that Heavenly Father would bless me with this experience today. I feel like I need to sit silent all evening and try to comprehend it; it was just a beautiful experience that made me feel like I can survive this year, and like Alan said, try to not just survive but thrive. Heavenly Father continually surprises me with how mindful He is of me. I am grateful for modern-day miracles; that they occur and that I can witness them in my life.
I am grateful for the hug Alan gave me that helped buoy me up. I am grateful that God cares, that He's aware of one person's struggles at work and will do something to help it get better. I am grateful for His love. He knows, and continues to show me in miraculous ways that He knows. This experience has convinced me that Heavenly Father is saying to me, "And I will also ease the burdens which are put upon your shoulders, that even you cannot feel them upon your backs, even while you are in bondage; and this will I do that ye may stand as witnesses for me hereafter, and that ye may know of a surety that I, the Lord God, do visit my people in their afflictions" (Mosiah 24:14).
It has also convinced me that Helamen 5:12 is true because I feel like I am seeing the fulfillment of it since I have turned to the Lord with this burden: "And now, my sons, remember, remember that it is upon the rock of our Redeemer, who is Christ, the Son of God, that ye must build your foundation; that when the devil shall send forth his mighty winds, yea, his shafts in the whirlwind, yea, when all his hail and his mighty storm shall beat upon you, it shall have no power over you to drag you down to the gulf of misery and endless wo, because of the rock upon which ye are built, which is a sure foundation, a foundation whereon if men build they cannot fall.
