Sometimes Money Can Buy Happiness

Whoever said that "money can't buy happiness" did not understand my relationship with my four-year-old niece Olivia.

When I was home over Spring Break, I helped Olivia go to the bathroom at TJ Maxx. On the way, she got sidetracked by a Barbie, which she picked up and NEEDED! After leaving the restroom, she found the Barbie again and asked for it. More like begged. I resisted in the moment, but then on the car ride back to Mom's house she kept asking for it and suggested that I could buy it for her as a present for her birthday. Yes, she brainstormed that solution on her own. She is quite the negotiator.

Thankfully, I remembered the Barbie right before Olivia's birthday party and asked Mom to help me out in getting the gift. She made a mad dash over to TJ Maxx to get the Barbie. Luckily for me, she also include a picture of me so that we could emphasize to Olivia that I, Britney, got her the gift she wanted, which I'm hoping translates into her thinking I'm a one-of-a-kind aunt.

Olivia had assigned Kelsey the gift of Tinkerbell. In fact, when Olivia was trying to convince me that I should get her the Barbie, she said that Kelsey was getting her the Tinkerbell so I could get her the Barbie. Apparently, after Olivia opened all her presents, and Kelsey had given her an expensive gift that was not Tinkerbell, the first thing Olivia said was "But where is Tinkerbell?" Kelsey quickly ran to the store and remedied the situation.

And since part of my definition of happiness is having Olivia love me and think I'm an incredible aunt, I realized the money can buy my happiness. Oh how spoiled Olivia will be!

If I Ever Get Tired of Teaching English...

On Friday, a teacher was absent...and there was no substitute available to replace him. When the secretary sent out the email asking us to cover the class during our consultation period, I willingly offered to help because my students had been testing all week and I didn't desperately need the prep time. The teacher's name was Rick Simpson, which I didn't recognize, explaining why it was a shock when I found out that I would be covering a ... "fitness for life" class. Thankfully I wore pants that day and had my gym bag in my car, which I sent the TA to grab. After I donned my running shoes (I decided NOT to change into my full workout gear because that involved a tank top and no student wants to see his teacher in a tank top), we stretched while I explained the purposes of the stretches and correct form, amidst all their groaning.

Then, we had to run for 8 minutes, but because of my new workout program with Kellie, I've realized that "high intensity interval training" is best for your body. That means that I had the students jogging for a minute and sprinting for 30 seconds. As we were running, all the encouraging words from gym class teachers came to my mind and I would shout them to get the students motivated. I wasn't just shouting though, I was running with them and trying to pass them. Afterward, the schedule said they had 'free play' time, which allowed me to try to wipe the sweat off my face and be presentable for my next English class. While I was working on that, one male student came up and explained his scoliosis situation that had caused him to quit halfway through the run, then he said, "I just wanted to tell you that you are a fucking phenomenal teacher." When I laughed and said that I wished all my students felt that way, he replied, "Well they should because you are a .." (and the explicative followed again). Not only was it enjoyable to work out, but it was nice to feel like the students appreciated it. I think I chose the wrong subject to teach.

Love

Today is Easter and Graden was assigned to speak about Christ. As the opening hymn was playing, in walked his mom, dad, and brother Ethan. Although I have felt healed and fine with the breakup, when I saw them, I suddenly felt sad again. I had felt like part of the family and truly grown to love them and this was the first I had seen them since January. All through sacrament I was thinking that I would go over and say hi, but at the end of the meeting I realized that I was too sad to say hello and also didn't think they would notice.

Instead, I turned around to talk to some girls near me but in my peripheral vision, I saw a blonde, classy woman purposefully working her way through people on a church pew, getting closer and closer to me. When I glanced up, there was Karen, Graden's mother. She got to me as fast after the closing prayer as she could and immediately hugged me. Instantly, I started to cry into her shoulder and couldn't stop - hugging her or crying. While she had me in an embrace she just kept saying into my ear how much she loved me and missed me and didn't think she could ever love someone as much. She said she wanted me to know how much she loved me; she "needed me to know that." I was so emotional, a blubbering mess by this point, because I truly, honestly love her and feel like she is my second mother. It breaks my heart not being a part of their family any more and it was touching to hear her expressions of love. I don't actually know how to adequately describe it; I felt so loved but missed her too. There was such a connection between us; there always was but I remembered it clearly today. She told me that Graden wasn't dating anyone and that all he could say is "it didn't feel right." Karen looked right in my eyes and said "what can I say to that?" She also said that she has been devastated over this and many tears have been shed in their house. She followed that up with "not as many as you have cried probably, but I've cried a lot about this." She also said she will always love me, always, and will want to hear about what is going on in my life. When I asked how they have been she said, "Lonely. We have missed you. It's lonely without you." I love her. I truly love their family and miss them deeply. I am grateful for how much she loves me. Whenever we stopped hugging, pretty quickly I would reach to hug her again because I just wanted to be in her embrace. That love is a blessing from Heavenly Father.

Why I Believe

Thursday afternoon, Allie Schneider, Aubri Root, and I flew out to California for our good friend, Hillary's, wedding. Leaving Thursday was strategic; it gave us all Friday at the beach. Although LA traffic lived up to its exacerbating reputation, we made it to the Santa Monica Pier an hour and a half after leaving Valencia. Hearing the waves crash on the sand made everything, the money, the gas, the preparation for a substitute, worth it. I wanted to stay there forever.

To actually get to where we we wanted to lay out, we had to drag Allie's wheelchair over several hundred feet of sand. That was an intense workout on my legs, similar to 'Insanity,' which were already quaking from a week of heavy lifting. Thankfully, in the last stretch, a few surfers saw me struggling to pull the chair and they took over. The next three hours consisted of us laying under the sun and not moving. It was heavenly. Like the woman in the movie "Out of Africa" says, "The cure for anything is salt: sweat, tears, or the sea." Friday made me a believer in that.

From there, we drove to meet Hillary and her mom for manicures and pedicures. We were feeling really pampered, so what do you do on a day like that? Continue to be lazy. We grabbed some food to go and settled in to watch the movie "Captain Phillips."

Saturday morning we drove back to the beach area, but with a different destination in mind: the Los Angeles temple. It was a breath-taking building and surrounded by beautiful landscaping. Inside, we walked through the Celestial Room to get to where Hillary and Brad would be sealed. Before the ceremony started, a woman came around offering tissues. I took one just because all the women were, but did not think I would need it at all. Wrong. I have participated in sealings for the dead before but this was the first live sealing I've witnessed and it deepened my desire to get married in the temple. It was a purely uplifting, sacred experience. I love how peaceful it is in the temple and that for the actual marriage covenant, you are in the House of the Lord and are focused on growing closer to Him. The promises of that covenant are inconceivable but fill your heart with longing to be worthy to qualify for those blessings and the deep happiness that comes from them.

My favorite part, though, was after the ordinance. The sealer had Brad and Hillary stand in front of the reflecting mirrors that show your image repeated for what seems like forever. Then, he asked each of their parents to stand on either side of them. Finally, he brought up the grandparents. Then he said, this is your picture, your family picture. This is what the gospel and Plan of Salvation are all about, this eternal happiness is what it's all about. At this point, my tissue was demolished and I was still sobbing. For some reason, this made my heart swell with love. Instead of seeing Hillary's family there, I saw my family and felt such an intense desire to be with them forever as I also start my own family branch. I am grateful that one day I will receive the blessing of getting married in the temple and working for a celestial marriage.

Because Allie needs more time to walk in her crutches, she and I were the last ones to walk out of the celestial room, which means we were the last ones to congratulate Hillary and Brad. When Hillary saw us last, she just commented 'How Appropriate' as we collapsed into each others' arms. And we stayed like that for a while, crying out of such profound joy that I can't accurately describe it. Later, when the wedding party was all gathered around the couple, taking pictures, one person made fun of the friends who think they are so important and close to the bride or groom that they need to be up close in the pictures. I didn't need to be up close but I did feel all day a special connection to Hillary that very few others there, had. I had been with her for years as we experienced heartbreak after heartbreak in dating. That bonds you. We were each other's support and that is why my feelings were so deep during her wedding.

In the temple that day I realized that this is one reason I believe in the gospel of Jesus Christ. I know that it brings me deep, lasting happiness that nothing else can offer. I know it means love, pure love, and eternal blessings. This is why I believe. 

SLC - EWR - CMH

My recent weekend in NYC showed me that I've forgotten what rain is since I've lived in Utah for the past 10 years. When it started to rain Saturday and didn't stop for the next two says, I kept double-checking the weather app because my brain couldn't grapple with the fact that there was a 90% chance of rain forecasted for multiple days.

Despite the rain, we still saw a lot of NYC, thanks to our energized tour guide and now almost New York City expert, Maverick! First, in true Mahvish style, we went to a yoga class packed with people. I tried a few poses without falling on anyone, which was quite the feat, however, I did accidentally graze the gluts of the woman to my right. Then we walked to a delicious, organic restaurant, where there was literally a line to get in because the restaurant only sat about 12 people. Or maybe it was the stuffed french toast that brought everyone. For me, it was the name: Westville, which felt like a slice of home plopped down in NYC. Sidenote: Mahvish lives on "Columbus Circle" so it's like our hometown is accompanying her during her city adventure. After brunch, we walked through quaint streets, but our bodies were freezing from the combination of post-yoga sweat and rain so we ended up racing back to the apartment, showering, sipping dark hot cocoa, and enjoying a movie-in that night.

Sunday, we walked the Highline, old railway tracks that have been turned into a path, which leads to to Chelsea Market. Every city needs one of these. From there, Hillary and I ran to church, which turned out to be at the temple. We were ecstatic about the fact that we got to go to church in the Manhattan temple. But here was another NYC contrast with Utah; there were entire minute pauses between testimonies. I was actually grateful for this because it allowed me to reflect on my feelings about Christ and then share my thoughts. That day I was overwhelmed with gratitude for the Savior and how I can talk to Him through prayer. His Atonement is real and not only is what allows me to be forgiven, but is what strengthens me, heals me, helps me be more than I am, gives me courage, faith, and hope. His Atonement is what allows a true comfort and peace to settle in me, despite my heartache. I am grateful that I can pray to Christ, that He cares about my concerns, and that He can help me because of His sacrifice. 

Then we met back up with Mahvish and Ashley and saw a modern dance performance at the New York City ballet. The last part of it was a captivating couples dance. The building was right by Juliard. This reminded me of Grandma's brother, Jay, who was sent home at the age of 16 from Juliard because they said "he has mastered everything and we can't teach him anymore." Where did that talent go?

From there, we walked to Little Italy, which reminded me why I liked my Italian lover last summer. Too bad the streets were deserted and we didn't find any single Italian men walking around. But we did find the world's best cannoli and I can attest that it lived up to the advertisement. We walked around even more, soaking in the diverse beauty of NYC; there are endless things to see, and especially taste, in NYC. One of my favorite stops that day was Levain Bakery and their delicious "cookies." You bought one but it was really more like eating three scrumptious treats. It was worth the calories. That night, we "watched a movie," but actually ended up just chatting. I absolutely love catching up with Mahvish and Ashley. Their friendship is a blessing in my life. At one point, Ashley asked me about my family. When I mentioned that Kelsey is struggling a little bit, Ashley compassionately looked at me and said she knew about it and had been praying about what to say to me. I sat there stunned that my friend was so thoughtful and caring to go to her God on my family's behalf. These two women are remarkable. I felt that again as we chatted Monday during lunch with Mahvish. We were hearing about all of the bloody, cutting-into-bone-and-gum procedures Mahvish can perform and Ashley's ability to diagnose and help treat children's disabilities as a physical therapist. Both of them are brilliant, yet so loving, sensitive, and caring. Of course, the Speculous, or cookie butter, helped make our conversation even more memorable.

Earlier that day, Ash and I had quickly toured the Met. I need to go back; I didn't see enough of the mummies. On our way back from lunch, we walked for over an hour through Central Park. I want to get lost there; it was heavenly being in the trees, walking on winding paths, with the sun shining down. 

From there, I braved the subway system on my own and went to Brooklyn to meet up with Laura Lewis Eyi and her precious eight month old son, James. I couldn't let go of him; I wanted to hold him and play with him non-stop. But thankfully, Laura forced me to go running with her. As soon as I got to her apartment, I dropped my bags off and we jaunted over to the park for a run in the sunlight. Then we chatted for the rest of the night. The next morning we woke up, ran, and then headed to the city, visiting the 9/11 memorial, riding on the Staten Island Ferry, walking Wall Street, visiting the Irish Potato Farm, walking along the river, and going out to dinner with her husband Wilfried. Although I absolutely loved touring the city, I enjoyed even more my meaningful conversations with Laura and Wilfried and also the privilege of watching their family function beautifully. One night, Wilfried hadn't gotten home from work until 12:47 am. Yet, the next day around 7:30, he and Laura sang a hymn and then began their scripture study. They both would read and ask thought-provoking questions and apply the doctrine to their lives. It was such a beautiful example to me of prioritizing the gospel. Another life-changing lesson I learned from their quiet examples was gratitude. Every time we talked of any good thing in their lives, Laura and Wilfried unfailingly attributed it to Christ's help and thanked Him. This taught me to recognize the Lord's hand in my life more and be more grateful, even during my challenges. I left their apartment with a desire to be more humble and give gratitude to the real source of all the blessings and opportunities in my life.

The next day, Laura and I met up with Mindy and her son. Mindy is a beautiful woman; externally of course but especially internally. I felt so happy and uplifted in her presence. All it took was walking through the park and giving her a hug for me to feel her kind, loving spirit and feel better about myself. She is hilarious, yet so in-tune to others' needs and inclusive. I was on cloud 9 since I was surrounded by two women I adore and aspire to be like. One interesting effect being around this women had on me is that it strengthened my desire to have children. I guess, being single, I've worried slightly about how much my life will change and how that adjustment will be difficult. But Mindy and Laura are so good at still caring for themselves while selflessly loving their boys and raising moral, kind children. I felt the goodness of their families and realized I want to be that mother too.

The trip just kept getting better though because flights were wide-open to Columbus. I flew in that night and we all ended up at Courtney's apartment. Dad came after work, Kelsey too, and Mom and I came straight from the airport. (Caseman, sorry, we looked at pictures of you though)! My highlight was that Olivia, Channing, and I had a prolonged "tickle fight," which really consisted of Olivia laughing before I even tickled her. She even called me "My Britney" again. I need to train her to never stop. I couldn't tickle, kiss, or hug those children enough. Another favorite was the few rare moments when Channing would leave Courtney's lap and cuddle with me. He doesn't know how big he is and just flops his body on you in a giant hug. Nothing is more precious. Besides the lovin' we also discovered that our favorite Mexican restaurant opened a new location near us so we downed street tacos and horchata. We snuck in some necessary shopping, but also an intense workout. Halfway through, I thought we were done, but then Courtney just kept showing us the next exercises. She will have us whipped into shape in no time.

 

Friday night was special because we had a going away party for Anita. It is hard to see a sister go, but I will visit her in Ghana so I'm consoling myself with that exciting trip to look forward to. We gave her a bracelet with a "D" on it to remind her that she will always be a Davis. Apparently, when Dad had to see her off on Sunday, he got quite emotional. We love that sister of ours. As I get older, I think I also get more emotional. There was something about being home for those few days that felt beautiful, literally beautiful. I was so happy. Although I don't think I'll even live back in Ohio, I loved being around my family so much that it made me realize I want to head back East so I can be within driving distance. Plus, I need to be close enough to remind Channing and Olivia that I am one of their favorite aunts.

I flew back out to Salt Lake Saturday night to wrap up the weekend by watching conference and even got to go to the Conference Center for the Sunday afternoon session. (Thank you Ohio for always giving me your extra conference tickets you don't use). It was a week full of bliss.

My Week as a Mother of Teenagers

While my aunt and uncle vacationed in Panama, the cousins and I stayed in South Jordan, Utah to see if we could survive a week of normal routines without the adults. We kick started our week together off right; Madison and I pampered ourselves with pedicures while the other two were off socializing. The following night we designated family night and ate dinner at Olive Garden then went go-kart racing. Although Tanner won, Madison came in a close second. And all three of the cousins beat the other girl, so it was a success.

Since we were on a family togetherness streak, I decided to see if I could extend it one more day. This is when I learned how mothers manipulate, for good purposes of course. To try to get Madison and Lashay to come to church with me, I told them I still needed support when seeing my ex-boyfriend, which wasn't a complete lie. They both readily agreed without any complaining, but an even bigger shock was that Tanner drove himself over. Of course, I didn't reveal my surprise because they would have deterred them all from staying at church. My reason for the girls being there with me worked phenomenally well at first; during sacrament they massaged my back, hugged me, and complimented my looks, especially when Graden bore his testimony. However, it all backfired at the Break-the-Fast, a huge dinner after our block of meetings on Fast Sunday. As the Relief Society President, I am always running around doing things and that Sunday was no exception. Consequently, I just had to show my cousins where the food was and leave them to eat. Mistake. Aaron Hammond, Graden's cousin, roommate, and my 'third roomate' sat down and introduced himself, like the gentleman he is. When Mads heard his connection to Graden, she apparently uttered an "ewww" and another unkind remark, so we had to apologize via text later that night. Besides that incident though, the whole day went smoothly and Tanner even thanked me for taking them to church. To celebrate this mini-vicotyr, we made Pozooki (semi-baked cookie dough topped with ice cream) and played games that night.

The rest of the week went according to schedule - yes, we had a schedule. I had written down each day and posted it on the refrigerator with our meal sand activities. I was just waiting for the girls to mock me, because my sisters would have, so imagine my shock when they all referred to it, wrote things in, crossed off the things we had done, and got excited about our upcoming activities.

After Sunday, I was on a roll with manipulation and decided to stage a secret FHE. It all began with dinner, which we obviously prayed over so there was the first step done: prayer. Then we read Casey and Haleigh's missionary emails: there's the spiritual thought. Then we made Pinterest crafts - flubber and mugs: there's the activity. We wrapped it all up with Pozooki, again: the treat, because it is just that good to have two days in a row. Essentially, we checked off every aspect of the typical FHE assignment board without Madison and Lashay suspecting anything. It was a proud moment for me.

Tuesday I took a break from being a responsible adult, which means I obviously have a long way to go before I can be a full-time mother. It was an extremely rough day at school. After picking Madison up from work, she wanted to clean the house. What a noble idea. But I wasn't feeling noble. Instead, I took a bubble bath while reading What Alice Forgot. Thankfully, the next day I was back to fulfilling my role and Thursday even sacrificed grading to help Mads answer her boyfriend back to Prom. We spent the evening blowing up balloons, making signs, and preparing for her to arrest him.

To finish off our time together, the whole family went bowling at Fat Cats and enjoyed delicious Pizza Factory breadsticks. Madison and Jared dominated in the first round of bowling, but Tanner, Lashay and I recovered grandly and defeated them the second round. The next day we cleaned up, finally, and then welcomed Doreen and Graham to Utah with signs that looked embarrassingly similar to those of the missionaries' families waiting at the airport to welcome them home after two years. "Who's your missionary?" we were asked and that made use realize that we should step off to the side because we were just waiting on an aunt and cousin we had seen six months earlier. But we still hugged them hard! And then I went to Provo for some girl time with Ashley Porter and Lauryl because 10 days of driving, cooking, and cleaning showed me that motherhood is selflessness 24/7 and I need to work up to that. But it's completely worth it!