About a month ago, I had committed to go to the Provo temple for my weekly temple date with Kenzie. However, that night had been busy and the next day was even more over-scheduled. All during the 50 mile drive down there, I was beating myself up for making that decision. "Stupid. Unnecessary. I could go to the temple by me. I am not realistic. And I'm feeling unbelievably stressed." Basically, that conversation in my head kept repeating for the entire 45 minute drive.
Thankfully, once we were in the session, I started to calm down as the peace of the temple enveloped me. Despite that, I still believed it had been an unwise decision. Then, we walked into the celestial room. There, my best friend Ashley Porter came over and gave me the most meaningful hug. We both were struggling and 'randomly' got to enjoy calm together in the celestial room. Then, as I was back in the changing room, my former secretary in the Relief Society Presidency, Jenna Hansen Lundell, ran over to me. Apparently, she had seen me in the celestial room and when I left, told her husband that they had to leave so she could go talk to me. As soon as we saw each other, she burst into tears. Apparently, that day had been extremely rough. But, because it was there weekly temple date, Jenna reluctantly accompanied her husband to the temple, although she would have much rather stayed at home and tried to work out her sadness. She said seeing me was the answer to her prayer. I felt it too, except that it was also an answer to mine. There is an inexplicable bond between women who serve in a Relief Society Presidency together; a bond that is some of the deepest caring about each other outside of a family. That day we both needed that love and Heavenly Father brought us together so we could feel it.
This occurred at a time when I had been feeling quite down about life and dating. I was shocked to see that God could still use me for good despite feeling like my weight was stopping me from marriage. I was also shocked that God cared enough to orchestrate the reunions so that we could feel His love, in His house.
He knows, doesn't He? Why do I ever doubt?
Sunday, January 18, 2015
The Family That Cheers Together, Stays Together...
Our love for the Ohio State Buckeyes may just be a tradition; however, it is one that bonds us despite our geographical distance. I spent the Michigan game at Jodelle's, while my family watched it in Ohio. Afterward, we were all calling each other to celebrate and of course emailing Casey about the victory. Then, for the first time in about three years, we all got together on New Years Day and cheered the Buckeyes on to victory in the first ever College Playoff game and unprecedented defeat of Alabama and Nick Saban. All of our voices where hoarse that next day. Finally, January 12, from around the country, we were calling and texting as we screamed for the Bucks when they beat Oregon 41-20 to become the first undisputed National Champions. The highlight of it though for me is how it connects me with everyone. Dad called me immediately after the victory and Grandma Miller texted me. Of course, it was the topic of our emails with Casey. In fact, part of that victory might be attributed to him since 2014 is the only year he spent completely as a missionary. Coincidentally, it was the Buckeye's best season in recent years. Plus, he was praying all week for the Bucks to win. Coincidence? I think not? ;)
While others look at us and see fanatical fans, I see a family that is bonded because of football. And I love it.
Plus, you can bond with your co-workers. Despite both teaching in Utah, we had to wear our jerseys and tattoos on game day to support our team. It's justifiable though because it's just helping our students value college, right?
Becoming an Official Adult
Up until last year, I was still sleeping in a $50 twin bed, in a room with no curtains, and with a total number of possessions that could fit into my compact car. That was at the age of 27. Finally, I decided to purchase a bedroom set. After that, the desire to nest took over. I now find myself wanting to spend money on home decor, which is a new phenomenon for me. But my official welcome into adulthood was never quite possible on my teacher salary.
And then my grandparents surprised us and generously gave each grandchild $1,000 for Christmas. I can never complain about finances because they have spoiled me. For several days I debated how to spend the money, trying to convince myself that the best and only decision was to put the money in a saving account. While that probably would have been the wisest decision, I happened to look at my 'wish list' on my phone and decided to use the money to help myself become an adult and purchase 'necessities' that I will not be able to afford in the future.
Introducing my future happiness as an official adult...
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| A 3-man tent because it's my dream that my family becomes a camping family. |
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| A Bosch mixer since I do not cook but want to be able to provide healthy meals for my family and am hoping this will force me to do it. |
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| A Chromebook since my other computer was practically dead and made doing anything at least an hour project.
Yet to come...
A backpack to carry my family down to Havasupai.
Life is good.
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Sunday, January 4, 2015
Hello 2015! It's Going to Be a Good One.
Casey will be the one I have to thank if all goes according to my goals in 2015. In a recent email he recommended the book "Drawing on the Powers of Heaven." My parents loved it so much that they convinced me to study it (by putting the money for it in my account).
It centers on how we need to set goals with the Spirit and then work toward achieving them as the power of Heaven empowers us.
It's January 4th so I'm slightly delayed on setting my goals but I didn't want to commit until I was sure. Here they are...
1. PHYSICAL: Discipline. Become the master of my own house.
- Run a marathon/half-marathon before June 2015
- Go to the gym at least 4/week
- Cook meals at the beginning of the week to encourage myself to eat healthy
- Covenant with God to only eat sweets once a week and ask for the strength to fulfill that promise
2. INTELLECTUAL: Change paths
- Search for a new job
- Read at least 3 classic novels instead of watching movies
3. SPIRITUAL: Deepen my relationship with Christ and be led by the Spirit.
- Improve my scripture study by having my computer open to write down notes. Study for 1/2 hour.
- Pray more sincerely. Make sure I have enough time. Ponder what I am going to say beforehand. Repent daily in these prayers and "return and report."
- Read one gospel book a quarter like Jesus the Christ, etc.
4. SOCIAL: Serve
- Pray to help one person each day
- If needed, complete the 52 acts of kindness
5. EMOTIONAL: Love myself so I can love others
- Develop more self-confidence. Start by learning more about how to do this.
- Write in a gratitude journal each day
6. FINANCIAL: Prepare for the future
- Reduce my spending and start saving more. Increase how much I have automatically transferred to my savings account.
- Open a money market.
- Only make purchases from what I have allocated in my "Spending" account.
I just thought that it would be useful if I report back each month on this same post to track my progress. I'm praying for the enabling power of the Atonement to help me accomplish these goals.
JANUARY
1. I'm typically going to the gym four times during the week. There is progress. For several weeks now, I have been cooking meals at the start of the week. I just need to get better about only eating 1 sweet a week. I'm going to focus on that this next week.
2. I've decided to read "Lord of the Flies" as one of my classic novels and will check that out this week. I'll also be checking into new jobs more this month.
3. I'm doing better with reading scriptures before working on other things and also having the computer out and ready to write. As for praying, I'm trying to do that not on my bed and I feel like I'm starting to be able to sit still a little longer. I started Sheri Dew's Women and the Priesthood book and so far it is speaking to my soul.
4. I may need to start the random acts of kindness jar because I haven't been remembering to pray for others and for service opportunities. Maybe I should start writing down who I will pray for, before I pray like we do in ward council.
5. I am faithfully writing in my gratitude journal and it is helping me be more positive. The blessing that Alan gave me today counseled me to find joy in the small things in life. Hopefully my gratitude journal will continue to help me do this.
6. I just started the transfer of $200 more each month to my savings account. However, I definitely need to improve on only spending money from my "Spending Account." Here we go!
FEBRUARY
MARCH
APRIL
MAY
JUNE
JULY
AUGUST
SEPTEMBER
OCTOBER
NOVEMBER
DECEMBER
It centers on how we need to set goals with the Spirit and then work toward achieving them as the power of Heaven empowers us.
It's January 4th so I'm slightly delayed on setting my goals but I didn't want to commit until I was sure. Here they are...
1. PHYSICAL: Discipline. Become the master of my own house.
- Run a marathon/half-marathon before June 2015
- Go to the gym at least 4/week
- Cook meals at the beginning of the week to encourage myself to eat healthy
- Covenant with God to only eat sweets once a week and ask for the strength to fulfill that promise
2. INTELLECTUAL: Change paths
- Search for a new job
- Read at least 3 classic novels instead of watching movies
3. SPIRITUAL: Deepen my relationship with Christ and be led by the Spirit.
- Improve my scripture study by having my computer open to write down notes. Study for 1/2 hour.
- Pray more sincerely. Make sure I have enough time. Ponder what I am going to say beforehand. Repent daily in these prayers and "return and report."
- Read one gospel book a quarter like Jesus the Christ, etc.
4. SOCIAL: Serve
- Pray to help one person each day
- If needed, complete the 52 acts of kindness
5. EMOTIONAL: Love myself so I can love others
- Develop more self-confidence. Start by learning more about how to do this.
- Write in a gratitude journal each day
6. FINANCIAL: Prepare for the future
- Reduce my spending and start saving more. Increase how much I have automatically transferred to my savings account.
- Open a money market.
- Only make purchases from what I have allocated in my "Spending" account.
I just thought that it would be useful if I report back each month on this same post to track my progress. I'm praying for the enabling power of the Atonement to help me accomplish these goals.
JANUARY
1. I'm typically going to the gym four times during the week. There is progress. For several weeks now, I have been cooking meals at the start of the week. I just need to get better about only eating 1 sweet a week. I'm going to focus on that this next week.
2. I've decided to read "Lord of the Flies" as one of my classic novels and will check that out this week. I'll also be checking into new jobs more this month.
3. I'm doing better with reading scriptures before working on other things and also having the computer out and ready to write. As for praying, I'm trying to do that not on my bed and I feel like I'm starting to be able to sit still a little longer. I started Sheri Dew's Women and the Priesthood book and so far it is speaking to my soul.
4. I may need to start the random acts of kindness jar because I haven't been remembering to pray for others and for service opportunities. Maybe I should start writing down who I will pray for, before I pray like we do in ward council.
5. I am faithfully writing in my gratitude journal and it is helping me be more positive. The blessing that Alan gave me today counseled me to find joy in the small things in life. Hopefully my gratitude journal will continue to help me do this.
6. I just started the transfer of $200 more each month to my savings account. However, I definitely need to improve on only spending money from my "Spending Account." Here we go!
FEBRUARY
MARCH
APRIL
MAY
JUNE
JULY
AUGUST
SEPTEMBER
OCTOBER
NOVEMBER
DECEMBER
What It's All About
Empirical evidence from this recent Christmas Break has me convinced that FAMILY is what it's about; they make life more joyful and eternal. That's not to say that two weeks together in the same house didn't spark some drama occasionally. But in the overall perspective, I will take that along with all the good.
Pictures from this recent break are all the evidence I need to support that claim...
Pictures from this recent break are all the evidence I need to support that claim...
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Olivia and I spent several hours making paper dolls, princess paper dolls to be exact. Don't judge the quality; Remember, I was doing this with a stubborn 4-year-old.
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I'd say it's an impressive feat to get two littles to spell out O-H-I-O with you.
That's how we raise 'em. #Breedemyoung
That's how we raise 'em. #Breedemyoung
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| I quickly discovered that Channing's current favorite pastime is boxing. This is how he came at me over the break. Of course I fought back! |
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| The day I got to babysit Channing we spent quite a bit of time "playing" ping pong. If he becomes a Ping Pong Olympian one day, I'm going to attribute his success to this moment. |
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At this point, I seeming quite brutal but remember that I am entertaining a 2-year-old boy who is ALL boy. We spent most of our remaining time, apart from ping pong and wresting, sword-fighting with wrapping paper rolls, spatulas, and the occasional race car track.
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| The joy of eating Buckeyes, as captured by Channing. Don't we all feel that way? |
Maybe Teaching Isn't A Thankless Profession...
Typically high school teachers do not receive gifts from students at Christmas. Or ever. Elementary school definitely has a monopoly on that. And it's impressive HOW MUCH elementary school teachers do get. My friend Ashlee would walk way from the last day of school with multiple gift cards, scarves, and home decor. Never has that happened to me. I am more used to writing long letters of recommendation and proofreading essays without compensation..until this year.
1. My two Somalian twins, Anisa and Asma, started off the gift-giving by writing me a thoughtful, complimentary card and presenting me with a beautiful scarf that I donned that same day.
2. Then my sophomore LIA class gave me a massive card with thoughtful notes inside along with a scarf.
3. My cute LIA president, Stephanie, gave me a $25 gift card to Barnes and Noble, along with sharpies and pens, that honestly is my heart's desire.
4. Another sweet LIA student, Jenny, gave me lotion and soap, but then came two days later with several boxes of hot cocoa and warm, fuzzy socks.
5. A Leaders in Action student had her mother sew me a travel bag. Sew me one. Incredible.
6. Two other Leaders in Action students, who do not have much money, brought me candy.
7. My TA, Amber, gave me a "B" mug filled with my favorite hot chocolate.
8. An Honors English student gave me a $25 gift card to a local Asian restaurant.
9. Another Honors English student, who I didn't even know liked me, was the first to bring me a gift of a Poinsettia and a thoughtful note.
11. One student, Marie, who I don't even have this year, gave me delicious gourmet candy and wrote a heartfelt note about how I helped her last year.
10. Of course, other candy rolled in from students.
My reaction to this outpouring of gifts was was shock and awe. And gratitude. Especially gratitude. Although I love these students enough to keep going without any gifts, I'm thankful for the brief moments when I can see that they care too.
1. My two Somalian twins, Anisa and Asma, started off the gift-giving by writing me a thoughtful, complimentary card and presenting me with a beautiful scarf that I donned that same day.
2. Then my sophomore LIA class gave me a massive card with thoughtful notes inside along with a scarf.
3. My cute LIA president, Stephanie, gave me a $25 gift card to Barnes and Noble, along with sharpies and pens, that honestly is my heart's desire.
4. Another sweet LIA student, Jenny, gave me lotion and soap, but then came two days later with several boxes of hot cocoa and warm, fuzzy socks.
5. A Leaders in Action student had her mother sew me a travel bag. Sew me one. Incredible.
6. Two other Leaders in Action students, who do not have much money, brought me candy.
7. My TA, Amber, gave me a "B" mug filled with my favorite hot chocolate.
8. An Honors English student gave me a $25 gift card to a local Asian restaurant.
9. Another Honors English student, who I didn't even know liked me, was the first to bring me a gift of a Poinsettia and a thoughtful note.
11. One student, Marie, who I don't even have this year, gave me delicious gourmet candy and wrote a heartfelt note about how I helped her last year.
10. Of course, other candy rolled in from students.
My reaction to this outpouring of gifts was was shock and awe. And gratitude. Especially gratitude. Although I love these students enough to keep going without any gifts, I'm thankful for the brief moments when I can see that they care too.
God Speaks Through Pop Music?
Right after Thanksgiving, my friend Lisa helped me realize that I'd be struggling through what Elder Holland calls "Depletion Depression" for the past five months and needed to change aspects of my life to stop the depletion.
Just a few days before that though, I was obviously feeling slightly depressed or down. For about two months straight, I had gone on a weekly series of blind dates and felt depleted that way too. Work was becoming a 24/7 job. Basically I had no energy in life. I kept praying, more so explaining to God how I felt, without any possible solutions except that I needed a break. In this same time, I woke up two days in a row with a random song stuck in my head that I hadn't heard in months. Both times the lyrics circulated through my mind on and off during the entire day.
Unfortunately I procrastinated writing this blog post and can't remember which song it was but I know the genre: contemporary pop. First I questioned why in the world it was in my head when I hadn't heard it for months. Did I dream about it? Why? How random? And then I started listening to the lyrics...surprisingly they seemed to apply perfectly to my situation. Weird, right? Because God definitely wouldn't talk to me through a pop song, would He? But I clearly remember that it gave me a little more hope that day.
The next day it was Colbie Caillat's song "Try," which I hadn't heard in months. Again, a pop song. But as soon as I heard "Get your sexy on/don't be shy, girl/take it off/This is what you want, to belong/so they like you. Do you like you?/You don't have to try so hard/you don't have to give it all away/you just have to get up, get up, get up, get up/You don't have to change a single thing," I knew it was a surprising answer to my prayer. Heavenly Father knew the months of blind dates and how much I was questioning myself. I had felt exhausted and done with dating and I was grateful to feel the answer that I'm acceptable; it will be okay.
Granted, I always have things to change and improve and will continue to work on that, but how refreshing it is to feel God's love, even through a pop song.
Just a few days before that though, I was obviously feeling slightly depressed or down. For about two months straight, I had gone on a weekly series of blind dates and felt depleted that way too. Work was becoming a 24/7 job. Basically I had no energy in life. I kept praying, more so explaining to God how I felt, without any possible solutions except that I needed a break. In this same time, I woke up two days in a row with a random song stuck in my head that I hadn't heard in months. Both times the lyrics circulated through my mind on and off during the entire day.
Unfortunately I procrastinated writing this blog post and can't remember which song it was but I know the genre: contemporary pop. First I questioned why in the world it was in my head when I hadn't heard it for months. Did I dream about it? Why? How random? And then I started listening to the lyrics...surprisingly they seemed to apply perfectly to my situation. Weird, right? Because God definitely wouldn't talk to me through a pop song, would He? But I clearly remember that it gave me a little more hope that day.
The next day it was Colbie Caillat's song "Try," which I hadn't heard in months. Again, a pop song. But as soon as I heard "Get your sexy on/don't be shy, girl/take it off/This is what you want, to belong/so they like you. Do you like you?/You don't have to try so hard/you don't have to give it all away/you just have to get up, get up, get up, get up/You don't have to change a single thing," I knew it was a surprising answer to my prayer. Heavenly Father knew the months of blind dates and how much I was questioning myself. I had felt exhausted and done with dating and I was grateful to feel the answer that I'm acceptable; it will be okay.
Granted, I always have things to change and improve and will continue to work on that, but how refreshing it is to feel God's love, even through a pop song.
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