Love

Today is Easter and Graden was assigned to speak about Christ. As the opening hymn was playing, in walked his mom, dad, and brother Ethan. Although I have felt healed and fine with the breakup, when I saw them, I suddenly felt sad again. I had felt like part of the family and truly grown to love them and this was the first I had seen them since January. All through sacrament I was thinking that I would go over and say hi, but at the end of the meeting I realized that I was too sad to say hello and also didn't think they would notice.

Instead, I turned around to talk to some girls near me but in my peripheral vision, I saw a blonde, classy woman purposefully working her way through people on a church pew, getting closer and closer to me. When I glanced up, there was Karen, Graden's mother. She got to me as fast after the closing prayer as she could and immediately hugged me. Instantly, I started to cry into her shoulder and couldn't stop - hugging her or crying. While she had me in an embrace she just kept saying into my ear how much she loved me and missed me and didn't think she could ever love someone as much. She said she wanted me to know how much she loved me; she "needed me to know that." I was so emotional, a blubbering mess by this point, because I truly, honestly love her and feel like she is my second mother. It breaks my heart not being a part of their family any more and it was touching to hear her expressions of love. I don't actually know how to adequately describe it; I felt so loved but missed her too. There was such a connection between us; there always was but I remembered it clearly today. She told me that Graden wasn't dating anyone and that all he could say is "it didn't feel right." Karen looked right in my eyes and said "what can I say to that?" She also said that she has been devastated over this and many tears have been shed in their house. She followed that up with "not as many as you have cried probably, but I've cried a lot about this." She also said she will always love me, always, and will want to hear about what is going on in my life. When I asked how they have been she said, "Lonely. We have missed you. It's lonely without you." I love her. I truly love their family and miss them deeply. I am grateful for how much she loves me. Whenever we stopped hugging, pretty quickly I would reach to hug her again because I just wanted to be in her embrace. That love is a blessing from Heavenly Father.