About a week ago today, I was showering in my childhood bathroom, still decorated with a bright pink and orange shower curtain, when it hit me: I am immeasurably blessed.
You would think that 27 and 9/10 years wouldn't have passed without me recognizing that, right? They haven't completely. I have always known that I lead a charmed life and had an idyllic childhood. But last week I profoundly FELT it.
It may have been Elizabeth Smart's memoir that prompted it all. I still remember the day that Elizabeth Smart was kidnapped to endure nine months of repeated rapes. Before reading her memoir though, I hadn't know that the terrible rapings were accompanied by starvation, psychological abuse, horrendous battles with guilt, and depravation of every kind imaginable. Although Elizabeth kept the memoir vague and classy, it opened my eyes to the fact that I have not experienced true suffering. Even Elizabeth Smart, who has, ended her memoir saying that she has been alive for approximately 307 months. 298 of them have been remarkably blessed. 9 of them were unimaginably horrible, but she chooses to focus on the 298 great months. I realized that my heartbreaks have given me months of sadness, despair, discouragement, and ache. Yet the majority of my months too have been blissfully blessed. And suddenly, in the shower of all places, I felt the beauty of those months fill me.
Then, I read Unbroken, the autobiography of Louie Zamperini, my new crush. He was 97 when he passed away only a few days ago but his story changed my life. He survived literally inexpressible pain. His plane crashed, leaving him stranded in the Pacific Ocean for 47 days, only to be captured by the Japanese and endure two years of terrible abuse as a prisoner of war.
Both he and Elizabeth Smart have something in common. They experienced intense pain and unjust abuse yet they did not blame God. In fact, Elizabeth helped me realize that not always do we suffer because God wants us to endure this trial, because He is testing us. People have agency and He cannot, nor will He, take away their agency. Thus, not everything is the will of God. Also, He does not always rescue us immediately from our pain. Elizabeth was nearly saved several times, yet she was not. She had to endure nine long months of abduction. Likewise, Louie's situation only get worse and worse for years before rescue. Even when he returned home, his PTSD was so intense and undiagnosed that he struggled with alcoholism and almost destroyed his marriage.
Surprisingly, both look back on their experience and say that God was with them every step of the way; He never abandoned them.
Their surety of His companionship made me reflect on my decade of dating. I saw that Heavenly Father has always "come to me." The pain has not been completely erased but He has given me miracles and countless tender mercies to show me that He is aware of me. He has worked miracles in my life similar to those Louie and Elizabeth experienced. And they were in life threatening situations - I just was sad about a break up. Not even close to necessitating the saving grace of God, but the fact is that He did reach out to me with tender mercies like He did for them as well. I realized that I need to be more grateful for His aid.
I am blessed, especially because I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I would give up all in my life to have my testimony and relationship with God.
I am blessed to have a loving family. I do not need anything else besides the gospel and my family. These past three weeks that I spent at home reminded me how lucky I am to have the support and friendship of my family. They make me happy.
But that is not where it ends. Heavenly Father has blessed me in my career and with friends. He has given me opportunities to grow.
That day in the shower I decided to be done with pity parties. Life does hurt sometimes but God is always with me and helps me. I am blessed, even in my struggles.
To Him, I am forever grateful that He loves me enough to stretch me and guide me. To Him, I promise that I will stop throwing those pity parties. To Him, I plead for the enabling power of the Atonement to help me "be grateful in any circumstance."
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